Here in Russia, they have a tradition of visiting a public bathhouse on a regular basis. They call this public bathhouse the Banya which is similar to the USA equivalent of a sauna, but much hotter. Striving to engage the culture and change the world, our group decided to try out this so-called Banya one night. Eight girls and seven guys chattered nervously on the way to the Banya--we had no idea what to expect. After a bus ride, a trip down the alley and up some sketchy looking stairs, we arrived at the Banya. Boys to one room, girls to another. We did as the babooshkas (grandmothers) told us.
The first room consists of a large locker room... filled with naked women. The babooshkas yelled at us kindly and said, "America America" as they gestured to empty lockers. We always do what the babooshkas ask us to do. We quickly undress and wrap towels around ourselves as we head further into the heart of the Banya.
The second room is the washroom, where you rinse and bathe from basins of cold water. In this room, we did what the babooshkas did and removed our towels. Eight nervously naked young women stood there and followed the babooshkas instructions: shower in warm water, cover your head with a hat, go into the heat chamber, beat each other with birch branches, leave the heat chamber when it gets too hot, shower in cold water. Repeat.
We did as instructed and entered the third room (lovingly called the heat chamber), where we sat in a sauna type room. We spread out among the babooshkas and sat there, carefully breathing in the heat. The moment that we were normalized to the heat, a babooshka would open up the furnace and start pouring water on the hot coals. We were instructed to put our covered heads between our knees so that we could keep breathing. The humidity starts to roll in. Thought process #1: Hey, this heat isn't so bad. Thought process #2: Oh wowwww, this is pretty hot, but I'm going to tough it out. Thought process #3: Holy crap, if I don't get out of here right now, I'm going to die. I grabbed the railing and headed for the cold shower out in the second room, holding onto the wall so I wouldn't pass out.
The Americans quickly drifted out of the heat chamber and into the cold, cold showers. Once we cooled off, we were about ready to go back in the heat chamber when a babooshka started talking to me in Russia. She called me "America" as she was gesturing toward the drain on the floor. From the look on her face, she meant business. You always do what a babooshka asks you to do. I took the broom from her wrinkled fingers and cleaned out the drain that was clogged with birch leaves. Mind you, this whole time that I am working... that I am naked... cleaning out a drain because an old lady told me to. It was a funny scene and all the Americans still laugh about it.
We headed back into the heat chamber, but this time we brought our birch branches with us. According to the Russian tradition, they believe that when you are hit with birch branches that it helps your blood circulation or that you will be cured or something like that. My classmate, Rachel took our birch branches and gently hit me with the bundle. We laughed the whole time. I returned the favor, but a babooshka was not satisfied with our birch brach skills. So this old lady took the opportunity to hit us from head to toe with birch branches. Rachel and I were still laughing and then crying (haha I'm joking).
After we had our fill of the heat chamber, we filled up metal basins of water and proceeded to wash our hair, shave our legs, lather up our bodies etc. We rinse our bodies with the buckets of water. Once we were done bathing, we exited to the first room with all the lockers. Here we reluctantly put on our clothes and headed out to the entrance. On our way out, we are scolded by a babooshka in Russian. She tells us to put on our hoods and cover our heads--she wouldn't want us to get sick.
You always do what a babooshka tells you to do.
The End!
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